I realize now my relationship wasn’t as perfect as I liked to pretend it was. It wasn’t as happy as I claimed. I wasn’t as happy as I claimed. I wanted it to work though. And maybe it’s because everyone around me kept saying how perfect we were and that they could see the love. Or maybe it’s because I didn’t want to fail at this. Maybe it’s that as a girl of my “size” I didn’t think I’d find anyone who would “settle for me”.
I was wrong. I was wrong to pretend. I was wrong to think that. I was wrong to let it go that far.
Yes this hurts. Yes at some point I did love him, but no I was no longer in love with him and in all honesty I’m glad it’s over and I’m glad it ended when it did and not after we were married and stuck with a mortgage.
I’m going to hurt from this but I’m allowed to move on and I’m allowed to be happy. Not just pretend happy but Truly happy.
Slowly seeing the fireflies again.